I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
