bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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