he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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