ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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