the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
being pregnant is like rehab
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
