End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
