Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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