He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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