i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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