so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
