We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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