she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
