Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize