Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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