I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
