just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
