idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
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