I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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