he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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