How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
