This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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