garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
