what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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