Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
