you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
