amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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