As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
