I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
