remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You are a genius and a whore.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize