I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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