It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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