Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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