You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
