she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
