I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
