last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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