I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize