after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
