I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My vagina is officially offended.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
