tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
try to milk me bitch
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
