$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize