HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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