I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
