The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
