What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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