Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
