My room smells like vodka and shame
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
