i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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