Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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