meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Randomize
