Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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