Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
