Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
