so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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