You're completely useless in the revolution.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
love makes seman taste better
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
