I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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