Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
His nipple licking is glorious
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