Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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