based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
