At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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