Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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