Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
