I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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