I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I AM VODKA MAN
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
