just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
