Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
